


Tropical Aggression

by Master_of_the_Rebels



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Damian is the king of passive aggressive land, Dick kind of wants to wring his neck for it, M/M, Tim just wants to eat in peace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Master_of_the_Rebels/pseuds/Master_of_the_Rebels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick is living up to his namesake, so Damian decides a little righteous retribution is in order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tropical Aggression

When Dick walked into the kitchen that evening, he had not anticipated the sudden unpleasant assault on his olfactory system.  It was like a punch in the face he couldn’t block, except worse, because it was so horrendous, it felt more like a punch in the face that he simply laid out and asked for.  As far back as he could remember, coconut had held an unwavering position in the top five of his Do Not Want list.  So walking into the kitchen and being transported to some tropical, coconutty, inner circle of his own personal Hell was not how he had hoped his evening would play out.

 

Moving gracefully about the room was Damian, studiously ignoring his obviously repulsed presence as he placed serving platters and bowls on the dining table.  Alfred was nowhere in sight, and Dick would say he smelled conspiracy if it weren’t for the fact that he was trying not to breathe at all.

 

“What the hell is this?”

 

Damian paused to look at him for the briefest of moments before shrugging and going back to his business.  Dick ground the tip of his tongue into the back of his teeth for patience.  Clearly this had something to do with the spat the former partners were currently in, but normally Damian would find more straightforward means to demonstrate his irritation.  This was horribly conniving and below the belt, cruelly using one of his weaknesses against him.

 

Dick stared with disdain at the gorgeous array of dishes, all stunningly well-prepared and laid out with careful attention to detail.  It was a perfect meal, and any other time, Dick would have truly believed it was a real effort at truce on Damian’s part.  If only it weren’t for the damn coconut.

 

“What are you trying to do?”

 

There was absolutely no reaction from the younger man, as he retrieved two empty glasses from the cabinet and took his seat.  Dick’s eyes narrowed at the blatant cold shoulder, before letting his gaze skim over the food once more.  There were grilled coconut pieces, a coconut and mixed green salad with pine nuts, a coconut mash with lime and mint, and a delicious looking whitefish with a coconut and cilantro garnish.  Waiting on the countertop for dessert was a beautiful white cake topped with a glaze and coconut shavings.

 

Damian reached over to a pitcher and poured a milky white liquid into the waiting glasses.  Taking a sip, Damian gestured with the other glass towards Dick.  “Thirsty?” Dick would have bet his life that the drink was coconut milk.

 

“This is extremely passive aggressive of you.”

 

“I’m insulted.  And after the trouble I went through to make a nice meal.”

 

“There isn’t a single thing on this table that doesn’t have coconut in it.  You _know_ I hate coconut.”

 

“Tt.  How typical of you to make everything about you.” Dick’s fingers curled into fists unconsciously as the teenager forked a portion of fish into his mouth.  Damian pointed the utensil carelessly at him.  “I’ve always said your sense of taste is barbaric anyway.”

 

“Damian cooked?  Looks excellent.” Interrupting the moment, Tim slipped inside the kitchen and plopped into Dick’s vacated place, immediately reaching for the salad.  Dick gaped while Tim piled a bit of each dish onto the plate and bit into a rich slice of the grilled coconut.  “Oh, wow, this is really good.  Hey, Dick, you should seriously try this.  It’s delicious.”

 

Tim’s impish grin gave the game away instantly, but Damian obviously didn’t care.  “See, Grayson?  Even Drake has a more delicate pallet than you.”

 

Tim’s eyes brushed over the younger boy in annoyance, but he continued munching.  “I’m going to ignore that thinly veiled insult.” Damian sniffed in response and ate more of his fish.

 

Dick could only shake his head in disbelief.  “You’re in on this, Tim?”

 

“’M not in on anything,” Tim muttered around a large forkful of mash, earning a disgusted curl of the lip from the youngest.  “Damian’s cooking is awesome.  Plain and simple.”  He paused to drink down some of the coconut milk before adding, “Although you have been kind of a tool this past week.  What’s up with that?”

 

A triumphant “Hah!” came from Damian, and Dick scowled gloomily.  “So you’re taking his side, then?  I see how it is.”

 

“Hey, I don’t take sides when it comes to family issues, especially not Damian’s—”

 

“As if I would even require his support.”

 

“—but I do think that this fight you two are having is pointless.”

 

“But, Tim!  You don’t even know what—”

 

“You’re both acting like you’re twelve.  Jason has more restraint than this.”

 

“I highly resent that statement, Drake.  Todd is an incompetent buffoon and possesses the maturity level of a six-month-old chimpanzee.”

 

“You know, he’d wring your neck if I told him you said that.”

 

“Tt.  He wouldn’t be able to lay a finger on me before I incapacitated him.”

 

“Okay, guys, as much as I normally would enjoy a debate about the merits of Jason’s intelligence, you’re skirting the fact that you are trying to poison me via coconut!”

 

“If I wished to poison you, Grayson, you would already be lying on the floor writhing in agony.”

 

“Oh, please, you haven’t successfully pulled one over on me since you were thirteen and that was nearly five years ago.”

 

“Is that a challenge, Grayson?  I accept with eager—”

 

“Oh my god, just stop it, you two!  This is ridiculous!”

 

Both of the men shut up at Tim’s command, and the middle child massaged his temples.  “Look.  Dick.  The fight the two of you are having makes no sense.  You come up with the most inane things to be mad about, it’s like you’re fighting for the sake of having something to argue over.  It’s a diversionary tactic and it’s wearing all of us thin.”

 

“But—”

 

“No.” Tim directed.  “This needs to stop.  Whatever it is you are thinking that is making you act like this towards Damian, enough is enough.  Get over it.  Damian is an adult now, and you should be able to converse with him about things that are bothering you.”  Silence met his decree, and he leveled Dick with a heavy glare.  “Am I understood?”

 

Dick bit his lip and nodded.  “Yeah.” His eyes slid over and lingered on Damian’s unhappy face, and he nodded once again with a bit more determination.  “Yeah, I understand.” He took a few steps, before placing a hesitant squeeze to the teen’s tense shoulder.  “Sorry, little D.”

 

Nobody moved or spoke until Dick shuffled back and forth on his feet and mumbled, “I’m still annoyed that I have nothing to eat now.”

 

Sighing, Tim pushed his plate aside.  “We just wanted you to admit that you’ve been kind of bullheaded about everything.  I wasn’t going to let you starve.  I ordered a pizza for you.  It’ll be here in a few minutes.”

 

Damian loosed a scandalized little growl and clipped, “You are far too soft, Drake.  This is why I managed to replace—”

 

Dick’s hand clapped over Damian’s mouth before the teen could finish the sentence, wary of the growing irritation in the slant of Tim’s eyes.  “Let’s not revisit that nightmare again, yeah?” He whipped his hand away just in time to avoid the violent snap of teeth aimed at his palm.  “I admit to being a little stubborn,” he stopped at the skeptical look shared by his younger brothers, “okay, fine, I’ve been very stubborn.  Though this was kind of a bizarre way to go about telling me.” 

 

“Hey, whatever works.  As long as you’re aware.” Tim went back to his food, looking up when the doorbell sounded.  “Your pizza’s here,” he said, raising his glass to take another drink.

 

Dick brightened immediately.  Damian rolled his eyes and muttered, “Cretin,” to which the eldest grinned.  Faster than the seated boy could react, Dick’s hand reached out, snagging his chin and thumbing his mouth open to plant a deep kiss on his lips, tongue flicking inside teasingly.  Tim choked and nearly snorted coconut milk up his nose in his shock.  When Dick pulled away, licking his lips, Damian remained stiff as a board in his chair, color flooding his face.

 

Smirking, Dick wiped the corner of his mouth with a thumb and quipped, “Mm, I suppose coconut isn’t _so_ terrible.” He made it around the corner of the door just in time to miss the plate of food that came flying for his head.


End file.
